Peeling the layers of the onion after a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath keeps you crying until the very last layer has been peeled away. It's the maze of smoke and mirrors he has employed over an extended period of time to wrongly convict you that sinks you. The pain of the shame snare is perhaps greater than the original loss.

There is a weird phenomenon. By blaming the victim. By pointing out how they brought it on themselves. By telling them to 'get over it'. By telling them we don't want to know about their troubles because we have troubles of our own. By relieving ourselves of our duty as family and friends to support and empower rather than belittle and demean, we can cause secondary trauma.

Betrayal trauma is one of the most severe forms of psychological trauma that a human can undergo, yet it is un-acknowledged in our culture (aside from childhood betrayal). This lack of recognition can lead to those betrayed having their trauma minimised and demeaned, thus leading to secondary trauma. Betrayal is a wound to the soul: a deep moral injury.

Traditionally, there are thought to be three stages to trauma recovery across the spectrum of survivors of rape, domestic abuse, torture, and combat. The first stage is restoration of safety. The second stage is remembrance and mourning. The third stage is reconnection with ordinary life.

If we try to answer this question through the lens of Buddhist psychology, we could distil the answer down to one word: resistance.

For almost all of us, the crisis is not only circumstantial but existential. We have lost our innocence and woken up to the fact that the world (including humankind) is not the way we thought it was or the way we’d like it to be.

Being highly reactive is a common trauma symptom. Case studies are filled with instances of women being accused of being the abusive one because they responded to the first hidden punch thrown by the narcopath. This is called reactive abuse.

Many victims are unconsciously drawn again and again to reconstruct the circumstances in which the original trauma occurred. It is as if the victim tries to re-write the story of their past so that it didn’t happen the way they remember it (as having a devastating and debilitating outcome).

You are not to blame! On the whole, narcopaths prey on the kindest, most loyal and generous people. They prey on innocents!

Why does this site and every other Narcissistic Abuse support site recommend NO CONTACT? Because he gets a buzz out of inflicting pain on YOU.

One thing that characterises Narcissistic Abuse from other toxic behaviours is the repeated stealthy violation of our core values. These values bond us to our abuser(s), at the same time as their violation causes us great pain. We are torn. This kind of injury is what is meant by a moral injury.

Tips from women who have survived the devastating impact of relationships with pathologically disordered men. You can recover from this. You are stronger than you think. Recovery is a long, winding road.

Your limbic system kicks in, floods your body with fear hormones and adrenalin and you can shift between wanting to fight, freeze or run for your life, but you just can't regain your normal composure from that moment forth. Your body won't let you. It's in your body.

Here are some manipulation techniques that fly under the radar for those trusting souls amongst us. In order of escalation - as the narcopath tightens the screw.

This break-up is different from other break ups you’ve had before. Why? It’s not like you haven’t had a break up before is it? But this one is different. Very, very different. Here’s why…

We have been neglected and abused for a long time. Now, it is time for intensive self-care.

This is how you know you are or were the victim of psychological manipulation by an extreme narcissist or sociopath. This devaluation behaviour starts the moment you are bonded or ‘hooked’. Then it escalates.

There are certain cruel or sadistic pathologies in a narcissistic or sociopathic relationship that just aren’t normal. The lack of empathy and conscience in your ex-partner are to blame.

Here’s how you know that your ex-partner is not neuro-typical (of normal psychological make-up). If he exhibits four or more of these traits regularly and frequently, he’s likely on the narcissistic or sociopathic spectrum.

Every interpersonal relationship of a narcopath passes through these three (or four) phases as a repetition compulsion. You and I might have a repeating relationship pattern too, and find ourselves drawn time and again to similar types.