The Role of Repetition Compulsion in Victimisation

Unpacking the phenomenon of re-victimisation of the innocent

This blog is written for female survivors of male perpetrators.

The word ‘victim’ now includes inherent negative judgement in colloquial usage, much like the word ‘naïve’ does. The original meanings of these words have been lost and are now coloured by a victim-blaming sub-text. They have been for some time. Let’s take the example of a naïve person; let’s say a ‘country-girl’, innocent and unworldly. She walks across an unlit park at night to her student housing in the big city. A man seizes the opportunity to make himself feel powerful by overpowering and raping her under cover of darkness.

Her naivety becomes a synonym for ‘stupid’, ‘ignorant’ or ‘weak’ (other words with inherent negative judgements). Women’s groups will relieve her of the stigma of being victimised by referring to her as ‘survivor’ – and indeed this is a much more empowering word for the victim than ‘victim’. If she lives to tell the tale, she then faces a wall of victim-blaming, if not from the police then from society. If she is brave and naive enough to press charges, the police will (hopefully) be trained to believe her, and so will the rape crisis or domestic violence centre staff, but no one else is. The Press, the Law, the Community, the Family will likely stigmatise her.

The fact of re-victimisation is a known phenomenon in professional trauma recovery circles. (See *Judith Herman). People who have been bullied, abused or traumatised in early life are especially vulnerable to human predators. Some will put this vulnerability down to weak boundaries, natural subservience, lack of assertiveness or anxious and dependent attachment tendencies. Whilst these explanations may be true in part, the conundrum of re-victimisation is far more complex and interdependent than any single issue.

For a start, there is another complex psychological phenomenon in the mix – and that is repetition compulsion. Many victims are unconsciously drawn again and again to reconstruct the circumstances in which the original trauma occurred. It is thought that this drive is caused by an urge to ‘learn from the mistake’ and manufacture an empowering ‘solution’ to the trauma this time. It is as if the victim tries to re-write the story of their past so that it didn’t happen the way they remember it (as having a devastating and debilitating outcome). Some victims will literally reconstruct their former horror on the very date and time of the traumatic incident. In the case of abuse victims, they are drawn to people and circumstances that recreate the original trauma. In other words, they replace the perpetrator again and again in a place of trust, authority or love.

The trauma is magnified and pain more extreme with each instance of re-victimisation because trauma and pain are cumulative. Like bee-sting, the victim’s reaction to further victimisation or abuse is deeper and more life-threatening with every new occurrence of it. One trauma has been stacked on top of another over a lifetime. That’s why you’re hurting so much that you’re trawling the net trying to understand What the Hell Just Happened.

PREVENTING RE-VICTIMISATION

This victimisation and re-victimisation deserve our compassion, patience and understanding rather than the scorn, disbelief, victim-blaming and stigmatisation that it actually gets. Victims were preyed upon because of their innocence amongst other things. They suffer so greatly precisely because of their loss of innocence. Their innocence and naivety are not crimes for which they should be punished no matter the age at which they lost them! Our society shares in the grief of lost childhood innocence but mocks adult women whose innocence is shattered. It is grossly unjust, but it is what it is.

So can a ‘victim’ change things so that they cease to be victimised? Absolutely!

It is essential, as we travel through the traumatic stages of recovery that we hang on for dear life to the belief that we can make changes in our own psyches that will save us from human predators and parasites in future. Giving in to the notion that recovery is impossible only robs us of our personal agency. Becoming subscribers to cultural notions that ‘leopards don’t change their spots’ or ‘show me the girl at seven and I’ll show you the woman’ will only slow our transformation via trauma.

Our basic goodness, our inherent decency, our beautiful loyalty, honesty, gratitude and generosity may have attracted the parasite and been used against us, but they are still there. We need to nurture and cultivate these intrinsic qualities to act as a spiritual and psychological support framework for recovery. We can train our minds to step outside the mental vortex of victim-thinking and dwell more and more each day in the home of our basic goodness. Mindfulness of our own strong emotions and distorted thinking helps us to use our will to turn away from them. This requires more of our energy and commitment than staying stuck in a victim mentality.

Recovery from victimisation is hard emotional work.

A counsellor trained in ACT psychotherapy will figuratively ‘take your hand’ as you embark on the journey to transform your victim experience into courage and resilience. Training our brains to witness any thoughts arising from a victim mentality can help us to recognise and unhook from these unhelpful thoughts. ACT therapy or Buddhist Psychology can teach us to regain a sense of agency in how we engage our own personal power. In essence, they teach us how to ‘DO’ letting go and acceptance, and the value of committing to a values-driven forward trajectory.

Other therapies, such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing from the Western Psychology canon, can assist in reprogramming the mind and body that is stuck in the trauma vortex. Reiki, Qui Gong, Ayurveda, Tai Chi, Yoga and even Shamanism work on the principles of clearing trapped life force energy in the body, and many survivors come to place their faith in these traditions of which they were formerly sceptical. And then there are the pharmaceutical interventions offered by psychiatry that can assist and support recovery over the long-term.

TRIGGER WARNING: (NOT RECOMMENDED FOR SURVIVORS IN EARLY-STAGE RECOVERY)

“Trauma and Recovery”, Judith Herman, M.D., Basic Books, New York, 2015*