Narcissistic Sociopath
A Psycho-educational Podcast & Blog
This site is FOR women BY a woman
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“You are a lifesaver. The first narc attack burned me to the ground. Ten years later I experienced another, and I recognized the behaviors from the first man’s attack. I just, last Monday sent him packing. You are my hero!
Podcasts
Traditionally, there are thought to be three stages to trauma recovery across the spectrum of survivors of rape, domestic abuse, torture, and combat. The first stage is restoration of safety. The second stage is remembrance and mourning. The third stage is reconnection with ordinary life. “Like any abstract concept, these stages are a convenient fiction, not to be taken too literally” (Judith Herman, 2015).
If we try to answer this question through the lens of Buddhist psychology, we could distil the answer down to one word: resistance.
Change + resistance = struggle.
Case studies are filled with instances of women being accused of being the abusive one because they responded to the first hidden punch thrown by the narcopath. This is called reactive abuse. The Buddhist approach is very simple….It’s the very first moment that’s the hardest bit.
Many victims are unconsciously drawn again and again to reconstruct the circumstances in which the original trauma occurred. It is as if the victim tries to re-write the story of their past so that it didn’t happen the way they remember it (as having a devastating and debilitating outcome).
On the whole, narcopaths prey on the kindest, most loyal and generous people. They prey on innocents!
You are not to blame!
Why does this site and every other Narcissistic Abuse support site recommend NO CONTACT? Because he gets a buzz out of inflicting pain on YOU. We loved and trusted him and placed him at the centre of our universe. So, it can take a while to accept he just doesn't care. He never loved us.
One thing that characterises Narcissistic Abuse from other toxic behaviours is the repeated stealthy violation of our core values. These values bond us to our abuser(s), at the same time as their violation causes us great pain. We are torn. This kind of injury is what is meant by a moral injury. Here are a few of those:
Tips from women who have survived the devastating impact of relationships with pathologically disordered men. Do's and don'ts for handling abandonment, traumatisation and grief.
You can recover from this. You are stronger than you think. Recovery is a long, winding road.
Your limbic system kicks in, floods your body with fear hormones and adrenalin and you can shift between wanting to fight, freeze or run for your life, but you just can't regain your normal composure from that moment forth. Your body won't let you. It’s in your body!
Covert Manipulation Techniques
Shine a light and find a vocabulary for the tactics manipulators use to exercise power and control over you.
Articles
Psychopaths are free from guilt, remorse and shame. They don't beat themselves up for doing a bad thing or being a bad person. They never feel the need to apologise. They believe themselves blameless and mentally superior.
We have grown past the necessary self-focused stage of trauma recovery and are looking outwards again, noticing things we previously took for granted. We might experience horror, aversion or renewed despair when we see the world as it really is, now that our bubbles have burst.
There is a lingering factor in the aftermath of abuse that is difficult to grasp. Shame. Why does our culture shame victims? One woman's take on dealing with being shamed by others and shaming ourselves. A case study and method for healing shame.
How to use mindfulness (Grey Rock) and keeping a healthy distance from a narcissist instead of ‘pandering’ or ‘co-dependent’ behaviours.
Trauma feeds the tendency towards distorted thinking leading to emotional disregulation. The antidote is in mindful awareness (being able to notice our thoughts and tolerate our emotions) and choosing self-compassion and the Middle Way (from Buddhist Psychology) instead.
Recover your sanity by recovering your core values after narcissistic abuse. PTSD is a moral injury sustained from attacks to our core values by a person of no conscience.
The narcissistic sociopath’s capacity for playing dirty should never be underestimated. Without a conscience and incapable of feeling remorse, there is barely any unconscionable behaviour that is off limits in a playing field that is hidden from public view, like the Family Court…
There will still be shock at the sudden personality change. The mask of the devoted husband has dropped, and what is left is unrecognisable to you – a cold, callous, calculated automaton.
Prepare for the very worst in human behaviour when entering into a legal dispute with a narcopath. He wants to destroy you by whatever means possible. You will need as much courage as you can muster.
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In the spirit of reconciliation I acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.