Self-Care for Stress & Trauma

MindfulnessTechniquesRecovery
Written By Margot MacCallum, Narcissistic Abuse Counsellor Australia

Some ideas to help you feel better in the acute stages of narcissistic abuse recovery

This blog is written for female survivors of male perpetrators.

When we made vows to the narcopath, we promised to cherish and honour him. And we did. While he proceeded to do exactly the opposite for us. Undervalued, undermined, plundered, raped, discarded and destroyed by our most loved and trusted other? It's crazy making.

So as we work on the seemingly insurmountable task of letting that story go, it is time, right from the moment of abandonment, to CHERISH AND HONOUR OURSELVES. We have been neglected and abused for a long time. Now, it is time for intensive self-care.

Honour the wounds, and prioritise our healing. Starting with simple practical self-care. And progressing to deep spiritual healing for the moral injury that the psychopath inflicted. Cherish the ideal of complete recovery from victimisation and the goal of a completely fulfilled life. Honour our own ability to recover and find ways to stand on our own two feet again, even though this seems like Mission Impossible in the Aftermath. Cherish our own integrity, honesty, good heart. Honour our right to a self-compassion, self-regeneration, self-sufficiency and healthy mutually satisfying relationships. Our right to choose our friends, go NO CONTACT, put ourselves back together differently, construct a whole new life.

And to cherish and honour the kindness and generosity of the few stragglers from our past, or those who stepped forward to encourage our journey out of the abyss.

NOTE: The following are simple DISTRACTION techniques to be applied alongside a mindful approach to healing. The Mindfulness of ACT or Buddhist Psychology asks us to be present with our bodies, senses and environment, but distraction brings an essential balance to trauma recovery.

 CALMING

(FOR SOOTHING, NURTURING, OR TURNING YOUR MIND AWAY FROM UNBEARABLE EMOTIONS AND TOWARDS SOMETHING POSITIVE)

  • Watch a movie

  • Take a warm aromatic bath

  • Listen to uplifting music

  • Light candles

  • Turn your phone, Facebook and email off

  • Mindfulness meditation

  • Lie on the grass or by the water and absorb the beauty of nature

  • Imagine embracing yourself as a child and as you are now

  • Grounding exercises (mindfulness practice)

  • Write down all the things you’re grateful for

  • Take a nap in the middle of the day

  • Sleep in

  • Listen to positive affirmations, aspirations or guided meditations

  • Cuddle your children or animals

ACTIVE

(USE THE ENERGY OF ANGER, OR ROUSE YOURSELF FROM FEELING FROZEN & HELPLESS)

  • A de-clutter session

  • Pamper your body

  • Go for a mindful walk, run or swim

  • Do your best workout session or yoga class

  • Bounce a tennis ball off a wall with a racquet like a kid

  • Write letters you will never send or send to yourself

  • Make food you love to eat

  • Dance to loud music

  • Sing songs, hymns, mantras, whatever over and over until the energy changes

  • Play with your dog

  • Do something you’ve been meaning to get around to

  • Buy yourself or pick some flowers and arrange them the way you like

  • Paint a canvas, make a pot, do something creative you haven’t done for a while

  • Challenge yourself with something you’ve never done before

  • Organise your closet

  • Give some special things to charity (let go)

  • Tear up old magazines and make a scrapbook of things, ideas, places you like

  • Write a thank you note to someone

  • Call an old friend and re-establish contact (go easy on explaining your troubles)

  • Go to a museum, art gallery, show

  • Do some gardening, planting, cleaning up your outdoor area

  • Re-arrange the furniture or redecorate a little bit

When I accept myself..jpg

 

Great article on self-soothing techniques for anxiety and PTSD

https://lonerwolf.com/self-soothing-techniques/

Margot MacCallum, Narcissistic Abuse Counsellor Australia

Margot MacCallum is the pen-name of Professional Counsellor, Nicki Paull. Nicki is a lived-experience, qualified counsellor specialising in recovery from abuse with specialist knowledge of the Mindfulness-Based clinical interventions.

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